Get Rid of the Joker in the Pack
It was 15 year ago, but I clearly remember that summer evening and that red Maruti Zen. If you are about my age, then you know that the Zen was a car with character. Simple lines, low slung, ancient in a zippy Japanese Samurai way. The car equivalent of a Rx 100. But then I noticed that this one had makeup on her. Or to be gender neutral, it was one of the billion guys who grow a beard for they look like hsit without one.
The Zen screeched to a stop near me. The beam from the single street light showed it was unnecessarily souped-up - alloy wheels, tinkered exhaust, the cliched Hoonigan and Ferrari stickers, and a sound system that belonged on a tractor at the second wedding of the tehsildar. Never touch a classic. If you are a man who remixes Saat Samundar Paar, you are a man to stay away from.
It should have been my first warning.
But I got in. These were folks I knew and they had offered to show me around that evening. Then to be fair, I liked the light vibe about some of them. But even before my bum was in the rear seat, the car shot forward kicking up gravel and dust on a work in progress Mumbai road that till today stubbornly continues to remain WIP. The car picked up pace, and the driver turned around and said hello. I froze.
Give me a moment while I spit this invisible Zubaan Kesari gutka.
This guy, not too long ago from that evening had caused a tragic accident. Drunk. Speeding. With friends, not too different from those inside the car that evening. Quick question. How long is long enough before a killer is allowed to kill again?
Did they not tell me that he was broken by the magnitude of a younger version of himself' mistake? I had seen him cry inconsolably. I had seen him beg forgiveness and for another chance.
And now he is back behind the steering wheel. Back drinking. Back speeding. Back putting the lives of others at risk. The alarms going off in my head were a combination of a police siren, and the Microsoft teams call notification. If he felt any remorse about what he had done not too long ago, he was not showing it.
We avoided the first rickshaw. Then the road divider. Life, it hung by a very slim thread. I was in that phase of my life where I was devouring self help books one a day. All of them told me to say Yes to every opportunity. To live a little. To invest in experiences than things. Say YES to everything.
NO. I told him to stop in my steadiest possible voice. I am getting down. Like a microphone set to echo, they all one by one asked Why?
Why. Why....wh...y
You guys go ahead. I have changed my mind.
I should have atleast asked where I can find a rickshaw. The tail lights of that mutant Zen blended into the trail of dust and the Mumbai lights.
By now, you would have heard about the accident in Dehradun. If you haven't, it does not matter. We all know a case of reckless driver, reckless party thrower, reckless hiker, reckless X who has taken others to their death. Alcohol, drugs, ego, incompetence, poor judgement - otherwise well behaved people have died for being at the wrong time with a very wrong person. Idiots in men's clothing. Ticking human bombs made of unreliable Chinese parts.
Dehradun. The roof the new SUV was ripped off. Heads of young people with all their lives ahead of them were decapitated. They were celebrating a new car. They were going at twice the permitted speed. They were trying to catch up with a car that had overtaken them.
There is not much one can do with destiny and the hands we are dealt with. If a joker resides within the family, then again you cant do much. But friends? Acquaintances? Colleagues? The avoidables? What stops us? Her ample chest? His sense of humor? The way that crazy friend says Chill bro?
Take this from an old man. A fun guy does not mean smart guy. Mummy and Papa are generally right when it comes to judging your friends. They have gone through their own journeys, and survived enough jokers for you to waste their experience and wisdom just because of some misplaced rebellious angst inside clueless you . You will know how right I am in years from now.
Listen. Death is inevitable, and how we get to it is also largely out of our control. Our country specializes in not giving a f. Everything out there is out there to kill you. Uncovered potholes, bad roads, billboards put up so they collapse, vehicles going the wrong way, live wires dancing around children parks. You cannot control any of this, even if your civics teacher taught you the democracy. We as a people put a low value to human life. Chill bro.
But there are a few things we can do to delay the inevitable and make our years more predictable. Things in our control. Things that are simple and need no great sacrifice or intelligence. Like getting rid of the jokers we know.
Here is how you De-Joker your life.
Step 1, Identify him/her
They are easy to spot. But if you feel incapable to judge, I got your covered. Look for people who use too much of the following phrases.
Phatu hain kya
Are main hu naan ( usually accompanied with spreading of the arms and forced dimple on the cheek)
Chill bro
Bro ( followed by or preceded with any word)
Tension mat le. Meri liye roz ka hain
Bas kya?
Dekh li teri dosti
Delhi se hu bc
UNESCO voted our national anthem as number 1 national anthem.
Armed with a list of such folks in your life, here is the second step.
Step 2: Get rid of the joker
Kill him / her before they kill you. Not literally. Or at least not when people are around.
But kick them out of your life without hesitation or without remorse. Life is too short. In some things, you dont give second chances.
And Listen. If you are that joker, then take a no for a no. Your friend does not want a drink, dont force him. Your friend wants you to slow down. Then slow down. Your friend wants to get down, let him get down and tell him where he can find a rickshaw. But this is a wasted paragraph. You are a joker because you do not listen to people. Because you want the world to chill bro. You are not going to be taking my advice. But devil, I have warned people about you. And that is my good deed of this week.
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